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Blue unicorn: Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie, wake up.
Pink unicorn: Yeah, Charlie. You silly sleepy-head, wake up.
Charlie: (groans) Oh, God, you guys. This had better be pretty frickin' important. Is the meadow on fire?
Blue: No, Charlie. We found a map, to Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, Charlie.
Pink: Yeah, Charlie, we're going to Candy Mountain. Come with us, Charlie.
Blue: Yeah, Charlie, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Charlie.
Charlie: Yeah, Candy Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now.
Blue: (jumping onto Charlie's back) Noooo, Charlie. You have to come with us to Candy Mountain.
Pink: Yeah, Charlie, Candy Mountain. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness.
Charlie: Please stop bouncing on me.
Blue: (still jumping up and down on Charlie) Candy Mountain, Charlie.
Pink: Yeah, Candy Mountain!
Charlie: Alright, fine! I'll come with you to Candy Mountain.
(Cut to the three walking through the woods.)
blue and Pink: (singing) Lalalala, lalalala, lalalala,
Charlie: Enough with the singing already.
Blue: Our first stop is over there, Charlie.
(The three stop in front of a large creature.)
Charlie: Oh God, what is that..
Blue: Its a liopleurodon, Charlie.
Pink: A magical liopleurodon,
Blue: It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain.
Charlie: Alrighht, guys, you do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain, right?
Blue: Shun the non-believer.
Pink: Shhhunnn.
Blue: Shhhhhuunnnnnnna.
Charlie: Yeah.
(The liopleurodon groans.)
Blue: It has spoken.
Pink: It's told us the way.
Charlie: It didn't say anything!
(Cut to the three on a bridge with blue in front, Pink in middle, and Charlie in back.)
Blue: It's just over this bridge, Charlie.
Pink: This magical bridge, of hope and wonder.
Charlie: Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters? Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing.
Blue: Charlie, Chaarrrlie, Chaaarrlie, Chaaarr--
Charlie: I'm right here! What do you want?!
Blue: We're on a bridge, Charlie.
(Cut to the three in front of Candy Mountain.)
Pink: We're here.
Charlie: Well, what do you know? There actually is a Candy Mountain.
Blue: (dancing and singing) Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness.
Pink: Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie.
Blue: Yeah, Charlie, go inside the cave. Magical wonders that will behold when you enter.
Charlie: Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here.
Pink: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain candy cave, Charlie.
(Five letters (C, A, N, D, and Y) appear from Candy Mountain and sing and dance.)
Y: Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave. When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land, such a happy and joy-filled, perky merry land. They've got lolly-pops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town, it's the Mecca of lovely candy cave. It's got jellybeans and coconuts in little hats. Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets. Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band, candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land. Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground, turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy tree. In the candy cave imagination runs so free, so now Charlie please will you go into the cave.
(All five letters run into each other and explode.)
Charlie: All right, fine, I'll go into the freaking candy cave. This had better be good.
(Charlie goes into the cave.)
Blue and Pink: Yeah....
Blue: Goodbye, Charlie.
Pink: Yeah, goodbye, Charlie.
Charlie: Goodbye, what?
(The door to the cave closes behind Charlie and the cave goes dark.)
Charlie: Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?
(Sounds are heard as if Charlie is getting knocked out. Cut to Charlie lying in the grass. He has a closed-up incision on his side.)
Charlie: Ow, God, what happened? (noticed the cut) Oh, they took my fricking kidney!
(Music plays and the credits begin to roll.)
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